109 - What Becomes Possible When You Befriend Your Body

Welcome to part 2 of our 5 part series on Befriending Your Body.

In this episode we explore the endless possibilities that open up when we nurture a positive body relationship.  

By fostering a kind and respectful bond with our bodies, we unlock a world of potential, not just in health but in every facet of life. 

Through captivating real-life stories, this episode highlights the profound changes our coaching clients have experienced when they shift their perspective and embrace their bodies wholeheartedly. 

From newfound confidence to deeper connections with loved ones and a rejuvenated sense of self-worth, the benefits are boundless.

 If you're curious about the doors that can open when you truly befriend your body, this episode is a for you. Discover the magic of a positive body relationship today!

About the Host

Kim Hagle (she/her)  is Certified Personal Trainer, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Body Image Coach and founder of Radiant Vitality Wellness. 

Through mindset and movement coaching she helps women heal their relationship with food and exercise while disconnecting their worth from their weight, so they can feel healthy, happy and confident in the body they have.  

New Here?  Download our free guide: 5 Ways to Feel Healthy, Happy and Confident - without obsessing over the scale.  

Want to feel good in your body without focusing on weight?  Register for our 5 day mini training course. For just $27, you'll receive one short video and worksheet each day for 5 days that will help get started with the non-diet approach and  feeling better in and about your body.

Ready to take the next step?  Book a free consultation call to discuss how coaching can help you reach your goals.

Let’s stay in touch! Kim is on Instagram and Facebook @radiantvitalitywellness.  

Disclaimer.  The information contained in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice.  Always consult a health care professional about your unique needs.

Transcript

0:47

Hey there. Welcome back. This is part two of our series on befriending your body, where we're exploring what it means to nurture a relationship with our body based on kindness and respect and how that translates into a more easy and peaceful relationship with food and exercise where we absolutely still prioritize our health, but without all of the obsession rules and restriction and all the guilt and shame that goes along when we think we're doing things wrong. So last week we started off our series by explaining exactly what I mean, when I say befriend your body. I talked about how our relationship with our body is the longest and most important relationship you'll ever have in life. And like it or not, you only get one body. So just like any other relationship, it's a whole lot easier to be in that relationship if we're not constantly fighting, undermining, criticizing, and judging. And last week's episode, I provided you some tools to help you nurture that relationship even if you don't love how your body looks. Because honestly your appearance really has nothing to do with how you treat yourself or how you talk to yourself. You don't actually have to like how you look to nurture a positive relationship with yourself and take good care of your wellbeing. So definitely go on back and listen to episode 1 0 8, if you missed it. And while you're at it subscribed to automatic downloads for the power and motion podcast on whatever platform it is you're listening to so you don't miss a beat during the rest of this series about befriending our body. So today we're going to pick up where we left off and we're talking all about what actually becomes possible when we work on the relationship we have with our body. Because it's kind of hard to conceptualize. And it's really hard to visualize what's possible for ourselves when we've never really even thought about things in this way. And also there's a real fear and a justified concern for some people that if they give up trying to control their body, that they'll give up on all their health seeking activities and just totally let themselves go and be this chaotic mess who doesn't give a shit about themselves. Which is a fair worry, and it makes sense to have that fear when I'm sure in the past, anytime you've let go of the reins on your eating and exercise programs or plans, you probably did do a backslide and maybe over ate or lost all motivation to exercise. And I actually have a couple of episodes addressing that exact thing back in season three. So you can go back and check out episodes 3.2 and 3.3 if you want to explore that concern a little bit further. But let me assure you that is not what ends up happening when you heal your relationship with your body. Uh, relationship with your body that's based on kindness and respect obviously still prioritizes your health and wellbeing because respecting your body means wanting to feel and function your very best. So you're going to make choices that promote health, but it's going to come from a place of deep care and love and truly wanting to support yourself because you know that you deserve to feel good. Rather than from a place of, I have to, or I should, which is all very fear-based and rooted in trying to change or fix things that you don't like about yourself. It's a very subtle but important distinction to make because the motivation, the reason behind the action is a whole lot more important than the actual action itself. Actions done out of fear and need to control, always feel terrible and they're never sustainable. And they create this never ending inner turmoil where we constantly feel like we're fighting against ourselves. We're on the other hand. Allying with your body and choosing health seeking behaviors, because you care about yourself as so much more peaceful. And really gives you room to be curious and compassionate and to experiment. With what works for you and make mistakes and learn, and grow and tweak and try new approaches. But always knowing that you have your own best interest at heart. So there's no criticism or judgment as you figure things out for yourself. So I thought that the best way to highlight what's possible when we nurture this kind of relationship. Was to share some real life examples from clients that I've worked with because chances are that parts of their story will be similar to your own. And, you know, even if they're not. I'm sure that you're going to be able to identify with bits and pieces of their struggles. And then begin to visualize how doing this type of work for yourself and nurturing this kind and respectful relationship with your body could translate into what's possible for your situation as well. Most of the people whose stories I'm going to share today have been on the podcast previously. So when that's the case, I will mention the episode number. So you can go and listen to their story in their own words, if you would like. So the first example I want to share with you about what's possible when you befriend your body is Jennifer and her story is episode 80. That was back in June of 2022. So you can go look that one up. Now when I met Jennifer, she had already quit dieting several years before we met. She had read lots about intuitive eating and had even taken some self-directed courses on the topic. But she was struggling because she couldn't kick her midday chocolate habit. Jennifer was a really good example of someone who has tons of knowledge, but doing the work and applying those things that you know, to your life is a whole other story. She really believed that because she was eating chocolate, most afternoons, that she was doing something wrong with intuitive eating and like, she just didn't get it. Or maybe it wasn't for her. She was just so broken that she couldn't figure it out. So she would find herself often looking at ads for weight Watchers or other diets, and feel really tempted to jump back in. Because she thought that she had no self control and the structure of a diet was really appealing because it offered a sense of safety. Fortunately she didn't do that. She called me. And through coaching, we worked not on developing Jennifer's willpower and discipline to avoid the chocolate because that wasn't actually the real issue. In fact, eating chocolate isn't a problem at all. The problem was what she was making it mean. It was the story she was telling herself. Things like this is bad. I shouldn't be doing this and that it was eventually going to make her unhealthy. So when we dug in and explored the deeper thoughts and feelings and beliefs beneath this behavior. Jennifer realized that she was reaching for chocolate because she felt exhausted and drained in the afternoon. Jennifer works in a healthcare setting and she works really hard. Giving so much of herself to all those around her and often forgetting about herself. She would regularly work through lunch or work late, not take breaks. And she felt so depleted head by the time she got home at night so she really didn't have energy left for physical activity. Herself tank was just running on empty. So the chocolate, she discovered, provided a temporary surge of pleasure and gave her that quick hit of energy. She needed. C every behavior that we engage in, we do not because we're bad not because we lack willpower, not because we have no self-discipline we do it because it works for us on some level. And when we can take a step back and become really curious and hold ourself with compassion, we can get to see what's behind the behavior. So when Jennifer became curious, she stopped seeing the behavior as bad and unhealthy, which was just her critical voice talking. And instead saw why she was choosing the chocolate and how it served her. She recognized the unmet needs that the chocolate was filling. Which was pleasure. She wasn't prioritizing pleasure in other areas of her life. And it gave her a hit of energy because she was so tired. And then began to slowly start meeting that need by implementing small doses of self care into her day. Little by little, she started taking walk breaks from her desk. Eating at more regular intervals. Finishing work on time. Prioritizing rest during her time off and finding ways to inject pleasure into her off time away from work. And in the middle of all of this, we were also digging in and exploring Jennifer's beliefs around health. And really helped to build up her sense of trust in herself that she knew what she was doing in terms of taking care of her health and trusting that she could make good decisions for her overall wellbeing. So by the end of our time together, Jennifer was a confident, intuitive eater. She now understood that she wasn't doing anything wrong, that she was eating intuitively. She was also beginning to move more intuitively and she really trusted that she was on the right track with her health. And guess what? She still eats chocolate on a fairly regular basis, but it's no longer a mindless activity and it's not something that she beats herself up or feels guilt over. Okay, let me tell you about Joe. And he shared his story on episode 97, back in November of 2022. Now, most of my content is geared towards women because that's just what I know. That's the lived experience that I have. I understand women. I know what it is to be a woman. And when Joe called me, he said to you ever. I work with men. And though I don't actually market my services directly towards men. I am more than happy to support men who are having the struggles that I am expert in coaching on. So, absolutely I was more than willing to work with Joe. And joe's main struggle was that he has type one diabetes that he actually didn't develop until into his thirties. So it was a surprise diagnosis and it came with a lot of feelings like his body had let him down or that maybe he had done something to cause this. Diabetes is obviously serious condition and has a lot of negative consequences if it's not managed well. And as such, Joe developed a lot of fear around food and eating right. But the problem was that fear led him to crave foods that he was told he wasn't supposed to have. And not feeling like you had a lot of control over them, eating them in abundance. And then he figured out how to hack his insulin dose to make up for that. Also, he had been told that he had to exercise and try to get his weight down, to keep himself healthy. But he really hated it. He always felt like it was a form of torture and it didn't work anyways. And by work, I mean, result in weight loss. So he felt like what's the point and he avoided it. He wanted to live a healthy life. He wanted to live a long life and be there for his family for as long as possible. But he wasn't sure why he couldn't just do what he was told. When working together, he learned to identify that he had an inner rebel living rent-free inside of his brain that balked at authority and didn't have his best interests at heart and didn't want to be told what to do. But he also didn't want to be reckless with his health. Right. These two parts of him were battling with one another. So my work with Joe really centered around helping him learn to reconnect to his authentic wisdom and build up this relationship with his body, become his body's ally and learning to view himself with kindness and respect. And during that work, he. He began to own that he was worthy of feeling his best, even with a chronic illness. He stepped into the role of being responsible for his health, being his own health authority, and relearning how to listen to and trust his body and trust himself to make health supporting decisions because he wanted what was best for himself. He learned to quiet that inner rebel And in doing so he no longer felt like he had to eat according to the rules or move in ways that he hated. Instead he chose to provide his body with good quality food and movement that he enjoyed as an act of self care, because he knew that he was worthy of it. By befriending, his body started engaging in health seeking behaviors because he wanted to, not because he had to. So now as a result of doing this work, Joe, no longer fears his disease and feels like his disease runs his life. He manages it with ease, trust himself to make good decisions about his health and he's freed up so much mental space that used to be consumed by those conflicting voices in his brain. Joe is actually a standup comedian and has worked some of what he's learned into his comedy routine, calling out the BS from diet culture, which I think is a really awesome way that he is taking what he's learned and paying it forward and contributing out into the world. Okay next. Let's talk about Candace. Candace shared her story back on episode 96, also from November of 2022. When I met Candice, she was experiencing overwhelming feelings of body shame. It was taking over her life. She could not stop the critical voice in her head. That constantly told her that she was unattractive and unlovable and just simply no good because of the appearance of her body. She couldn't receive compliments or affection from her spouse because she felt so terrible about her body. She avoided posing in pictures with her family and even avoided doing things with her family, because she was embarrassed to be seen in the body that she had. When Candice and I started working together and we started asking the deeper questions, digging into the beliefs that were behind the shame that she felt. What we realized is like so many women, Candice had internalized so much messaging from society about what a woman should look like. And truly believed that if she didn't measure up. That she didn't deserve love. Didn't deserve to experience joy. To eat the foods that she liked, or to even think about having goals for herself. And she was really miserable because of this, which just added another layer of shame because she was often grumpy with her kids and felt guilt for all of the times that she said no to doing things with them because of her body shame. So together we peel back the layers. We asked the deeper questions and we really worked to help Candice see herself the way that others do. Candice learned to see her worth as separate from her body. She had really learned to believe that her value in this world hinged on the appearance of her body. So she learned to view herself. As more than a body. And to see that she's loved because of who she is on the inside, not what she looks like. Part of doing that work was looking externally and looking at the other people in her life. And asking does the person's appearance have anything to do with why you love them? You know, what do you see as valuable in your children? Your husband, your best friend. And is it possible? That they see you. In a different way than you're seeing yourself to. And in doing that work over time, she learned to treat herself with the same kindness and care that she so willingly gave to everybody else around her. And by the end of our time together, she was a whole lot more content in life. She was able to focus on her roles and responsibility as a homeschooling mom of four, without all those intrusive body thoughts taking over her day. She upped her own self care, knowing that her needs were important to, something that she truly did not believe when we started working together. She started swimming. Taking time for herself to participate in an activity she enjoyed just because she wanted to. She began including foods and meals in their weekly rotation that she liked and wanted, not just making the things that her family liked and choking it down, even if she didn't enjoy it. And she also worked at editing her closet. She had a lot of clothing in her closet that didn't fit well. She didn't like how she looked in them, but didn't feel like she was worthy of investing in clothing that was in a larger size. So she developed the courage to do that. And the neutrality to know that she's worthy of dressing her body and feeling good in the clothes that she wears. No matter the size on the label. And therefore made peace with going out and buying some clothes that she actually liked and felt comfortable wearing. And the most awesome part was that she was able to enjoy a closer, more intimate relationship with her husband because she was able to truly believe him. When he said that he loved her. And knowing that she was worthy of that. Okay, next up. Let's talk about Natalie. Natalie shared her story back on episode 47. Natalie is a fitness instructor who had a very similar story to my own. We're chasing the fit ideal had led her down a pretty disordered path where she was controlling her body through strict calorie, counting and macro balancing and using exercise really as a means to tone and shape her body and earn and burn food. And she had realized before we started working together that this was not working for her anymore. She had quit dieting and discovered intuitive eating and felt as though she had a pretty good handle on her relationship with food. She was eating intuitively. She liked how that felt. But after so many years of living in a restricted state, just like me when she started honoring her hunger and eating the amount of food that she actually required, her body changed. And that came with a lot of shame and fear. She really worried about what people would think about her as a representative of fitness in a larger body. And she worried if she'd actually be able to physically do her job as a fitness instructor, if she continued to gain weight with intuitive eating. She also noticed as she'd been working on her relationship with food, that the ways she was engaging with movement were still kind of motivated by diet culture. And she wasn't sure how to move forward with exercise. Like what her motivation for exercise was if not for body shaping. So our work, when we started coaching together was really centered around exploring her beliefs about fitness exercise and body image in general. Now Natalie became aware of a lot of unhelpful messages that she had been holding on to and how these were holding back from doing her job. Well, Enjoying her job and actually helping people. Uh, she had believed that being in a higher weight would mean that movement would be harder. And that modifying movement meant you were doing it wrong or you weren't giving it your best effort. She had believed that you have to give a hundred percent effort all the time. No matter what. And she also believed like I did for many years, that her body was a representation of how good she was at her job as a fitness instructor. So I helped her by starting to poke holes in those beliefs, getting her to look for evidence that something else could be true. And to start exploring and considering her deeper. Why for movement, if it wasn't for burning calories, why on earth would you want to do it? And as we proceeded through our work together, she became aware that she actually was still able to teach and give. Give great energy to her fitness classes in her changing body. She didn't fear weight gain because she trusted her body and she trusted her fitness level. She also reframed what best effort meant so that she could listen to her body each day and choose the variations that suited her best that day as well. A thing with fitness instructors, as we often feel like we have to do the most intense variation of the exercise when we're demonstrating as if. It's the benchmark that people should be trying to achieve. And so as an instructor, Natalie felt. Anxious about taking a lower intensity option when she was teaching. But what she found is that as she started to teach her classes different and offering more options for participants choosing different options, even for herself, when she needed them. That she was sending the message now that it's safe. And encouraged to tune in and listen to your body and make the best choice for you. She was being a role model of listening to your body. It felt good for her and it gave her students the permission to do the same. And actually what she noticed was that participation increased and that our students really appreciated the inclusive atmosphere. That Natalie was creating. So as a result, Natalie went from fearing that she'd lose her job to actually growing her business and enjoying her work a whole lot more. And I have one more story to share with you today about Melanie. And this is not her real name because she has not been on the podcast. Melanie had so much fear around her weight and particularly what that meant in regards to her health. Melanie had grown up in a home with a mom who routinely dieted and often encouraged Melanie to diet with her. And so she was taught from a very young age that certain foods were bad or fattening or unhealthy. The so-called bad foods were very tightly restricted portions were controlled and Melanie was overtly told we don't eat that. Because it's unhealthy or it will make you fat. But every now and then. Her mom would cheat on her diet and bring in up so-called bad food and they would just go crazy on it together. So from childhood. She learned this pattern of restrict binge and then be overcome with guilt and shame and enforce even stricter rules. So needless to say her relationship with food was pretty chaotic. And as an adult now, Melanie recognized the chaos of this pattern and what that was costing her emotionally. And she recognized that this way of eating that was normalized. Actually wasn't how most people were eating and engaging with food. She saw people around her eating all foods without guilt and shame or without losing control and didn't understand how they were able to do that. But wanted to had no idea how it was possible. Add onto that. Melanie also had a lot of fear about becoming unhealthy if she gave herself permission to eat these so-called bad foods even though she had no health conditions. She almost felt like a ticking time bomb because of her weight. And she was afraid that if she stopped controlling food, she'd become really reckless. And that then disease was just imminent. She knew that what she was doing, wasn't working for her. She knew that restriction and bingeing was likely more unhealthy than just allowing those forbidden foods and eating them and moving on in the first place. And she also knew that trying to control her weight. Through dieting, wasn't working despite all the hard work she was putting in because she could not maintain her weight loss. So she really wanted to learn how to trust herself around food and be able to eat the things that she enjoyed while still prioritizing her health. And to stop using the number on the bathroom scale as the measurement of her health. Because food and weight had become so fear late. And for Melanie, our coaching work really focused on creating safety. Melanie couldn't even begin intuitive eating on her own because it felt like ripping off a band-aid that was holding an artery closed. For her, we had to take baby steps and start at the beginning. Exploring all the beliefs that she had adopted about food, health bodies, and even herself. Because doing the work for Melanie also meant she had to go against her mother's values and beliefs. And that is super threatening. So we had to create safety for Melanie to identify her own values and belief without blaming her mom or alienating the relationship our work was in building up Melanie's capacity. To make decisions for herself to be come her own authority. To define what health meant for her physically, mentally, and emotionally, and to decide for herself what mattered to her in her own pursuit of health. Prior to our work together, Melanie had not even really considered her mental and emotional health as part of her overall health picture. Like so many of us, we focus purely on our physical health. Our weight, our eating habits or exercise habits. But what Melanie was able to identify was that her quest for physical health was at the expense of her mental and emotional wellbeing. And as she shifted her focus to a more holistic approach, she started to become more mindful and present with food. She created safety to allow food, to be a pleasurable experience and started eating a wider variety of foods. Because she was mindful. She was able to enjoy those foods without bingeing and guilt. And it was also really able to identify how each food made her feel so she could decide for herself. If it was supportive of her health or not, instead of just assuming that certain foods were bad. Melanie also began moving her body more regularly. She had rejected all exercise when we met, because it had always been used as a way to burn calories or makeup for a binge from a very young age. So she grew up. Viewing it as punishment and really hated it. Obviously. But as we began to explore why you might want to move, if not for weight loss, She started realizing that certain types of movement really did feel good for her. She enjoyed stretching regularly because she worked at a desk. And stretching her shoulders and hips. I helped relieve some of the aches and pains that she was feeling from working at her desk. And she was starting to experiment with adding in a little bit more movement, although. We're talking baby steps because her main priority when we were working together was food. So she was content to let the movement piece unfold when she had the capacity. But most importantly, She let go of the guilt that she wasn't doing enough and acknowledged that she was playing the long game with movement and was doing exactly what she needed to be doing for her health at the time. One thing that Melanie commented during one of our sessions was that we would often talk about things, unrelated to food, exercise, body, or health. Which is actually true for all my clients, because what they realized very quickly. Is that the way you do one thing is the way that you do everything. So for Melanie, she noticed how this perfectionist view of health and food was also showing up in her work and personal life. In fact, when we first started working together, she felt so much guilt about taking time out of her Workday to show up for our sessions. Even though she worked remotely for an employer who was very flexible and supportive of employees taking time to care for themselves. So there was no pushback coming from her work. It was all internalized fear. Stemming from a belief that she had to be a star employee and be on all the time submitting top-notch work well before deadlines. Another way this showed up for her was in her appearance. For many years, Melanie was aware that the way she compensated for what she felt was a personal failure about her body or her weight not conforming to the so-called ideal was by hyper fixating on her hair, makeup and clothing. Partway through our work. She actually developed a skin condition that required her to stop wearing makeup and hair products or hair dye for several weeks. Which highlighted to her, how her perfectionism and people pleasing was presenting in this area as well, and gave us an opportunity. To work through. All that was coming up around that. So I think that example is just a really cool way to highlight that by doing this work, you know, you come with struggles around your body and your relationship with food. But it affects all of these other areas as well, because when we address the beliefs that are at the core of our struggles, it not only. Improves the struggle that we initially think we're dealing with, but there's ripple effect out into all these other areas as well. So though we didn't really talk about movement in our sessions. Melanie noticed shifts there. And in addressing the root of her perfectionism around food and health. And recognizing that it stemmed from a belief that do you have to do things perfectly or you deserve for bad things to happen to you? By creating safety to let go of that perfectionism. To experiment and make mistakes. And have our own back. She was able to then create a relationship with food that aligned with her actual health goals. And then Melanie noticed how that translated over into her beliefs about work, success, relationships, and her appearance. And she felt a whole lot more relaxed in all of those areas, which is really, really cool. Now all of these people that I've shared with you today, they are just like you, they all have lots going on in their lives, kids jobs. Bill's life coming at them from every direction. None of them had tons of extra time. They were looking to kill or tons of extra money burning a hole in their pocket. They all had to make some big decisions to make coaching work for them. And each of them worried that it wouldn't work. That it would just be one more thing. They've wasted their time and money on that, left them in the same place. They all also doubted whether they were worth investing in themselves at this level when there were so many other priorities in life. All of them felt super stuck. Like they were broken, really frustrated, lost, and confused. And none of them really believed that the life they wanted was actually possible for them. It's really hard to believe in a possibility. That we have no evidence for. But I asked each one of them. Where would you be in six months? If you did nothing. And I let them think about that and respond. And then I asked. How will you feel about that? And on the other hand, where could you be in six months? If you put the work in. And I let them think about that and respond. And asked, how would that feel? And they would usually say that would feel really great. It would be so freeing. Like I can't even imagine how awesome that would feel. And then there would always be the, but. But I don't know if I can do it, but I don't know. There would always be the objection. So that's when I would say. If you knew. That you couldn't fail. What would you choose? And they all said it would be a no brainer. And here's the promise that I made to them that I make to all of my clients. If you show up physically and mentally to each session with a willingness to be vulnerable and coachable, there is no possible way that you can fail. Because I simply will not allow that to happen. You're definitely going to have challenges and hiccups and things that come up along the way. Stumbling blocks. But if you're willing to bring those forward in coaching, there is literally nothing that we can't work through together. All of my clients when they're done their work with me. And I asked them to provide some feedback. They all say that my superpower as a coach is my ability to meet them exactly where they're at. To hold that space with compassion and not judgment and ask the deeper questions that need to be asked. So that you can see exactly what's holding you back. And then supporting you to choose your next best step. You can not fail. I won't let you. All of my clients have achieved the goals they've set for themselves and are living a life now beyond what they ever hoped was possible. And none of them have returned to their old ways. The transformation you get in coaching is permanent. All of these people that I shared with you and all of the others that have been on my podcast, or even those who have not. They are all living diet free lifestyles now. Fully trusting themselves around food, accepting of their body. Exactly. As it is while pursuing health on their terms. So let me tell you, it is possible for you to. I believe in myself as a coach. But more importantly, I believe in you, I believe in your ability to show up for yourself and do the work you need to do to get what you want. So if you're ready. You know what your next step is? Reach out and book a consultation to chat about coaching. You can do that on my website at www dot radiant, vitality.ca/coaching. And we'll chat exactly about what that would look like for you. You are worthy. Of having all that you desire. And I'm here to support you to make that happen. All right. So that's all for today. I'll see you back here next week with a special interview from another client of mine, Debbie. I've been working with her for a little while, and she has an amazing story of transformation of her own and she's super inspiring and engaging. So I hope that you will turn tune in and listen to that one next week.