The Power in Motion Podcast

113 How to Make Confident Decisions

• Kim Hagle • Episode 113

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What if every decision you made amplified your self-confidence rather than nibbling away at it? 
Imagine navigating your day, from what you eat to your life’s larger choices, with a newfound trust in your judgment. 

Do you find yourself questioning each decision, even after you've made it? We address this head-on, exploring how societal conditioning often leads us down a path of second-guessing and deference. 
But there's a way out. 
We share practical insights on breaking free from these patterns through self-compassion and redefining your relationship with decision-making. Moreover, we discuss how focusing on the future and thought management can create a sense of safety as you journey towards your goals.

Lastly, we delve into the power of anchoring your decisions to your future self. We break down the process into three manageable steps, offering a roadmap to make quality decisions confidently. 

Tune in for an episode filled with valuable insights about self-trust, decision-making, and self-compassion. 
Your future self will thank you for it!

About the Host

Kim Hagle (she/her)  is Certified Personal Trainer, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Body Image Coach and founder of Radiant Vitality Wellness. 

Through mindset and movement coaching she helps women heal their relationship with food and exercise while disconnecting their worth from their weight, so they can feel healthy, happy and confident in the body they have.  

New Here?  Download our free guide: 5 Ways to Feel Healthy, Happy and Confident - without obsessing over the scale.  

Want to feel good in your body without focusing on weight?  Register for our 5 day mini training course. For just $27, you'll receive one short video and worksheet each day for 5 days that will help get started with the non-diet approach and  feeling better in and about your body.

Ready to take the next step?  Book a free consultation call to discuss how coaching can help you reach your goals.

Let’s stay in touch! Kim is on Instagram and Facebook @radiantvitalitywellness.  

Disclaimer.  The information contained in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice.  Always consult a health care professional about your unique needs.

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Speaker 1:

Hey and welcome back to the Power in Motion podcast. Today we're wrapping up our five part series all about befriending your body, and today I want to talk about how to make a quality decision. So what I mean by that is how to make a decision that you feel confident about and then seeing it through to completion without all of the what, ifs and should have and the self doubt and regret that often comes with making a decision. And this is relevant to this series, because going from a person who is dissatisfied with your body and is unhappy with the way that you're eating and the way that you're moving or not moving, to becoming a person who feels fully confident in their body and trusts all of their decisions around food and exercise and health and self care requires you to make some decisions along the way, and making decisions that are going to be a whole lot different than ones that you've made in the past and will definitely require you to move outside your comfort zone and might require you to seek outside support, which in itself can feel like a big decision, especially when you have no proof that it will work or no guarantees of the outcome. And so I want to take you through the process of how to make a good decision for yourself and how to trust that you're making the right one, and then how to have your back to see it through so that you don't end up second guessing your decision or giving up on yourself. So let's start out this episode with an example.

Speaker 1:

I was working with a client just this week, someone who I've actually been coaching one on one for almost six months. She's just about at the end of her six month package with me and she's made a lot of really great progress. We were taking a moment during our session to look back on how far she's come and reevaluate the goals that she had when she started coaching. So when we began, she had three main goals One, to create a more positive relationship with food. Two, to feel more confident in her body. And three, to feel more confident just in life in general. So first we checked in around the food.

Speaker 1:

When I met her, she had already quit dieting, but she often had thoughts about starting up again because of the insecurity she felt about her body. So I asked her how confident do you feel that you're done with dieting? And she said like 10 out of 10, it'll never happen again. She fully trusts herself to make healthy decisions about food and like she doesn't need a diet or a plan to feel like she's on the right track with her health. So that is fantastic. We checked that one off the list and then we evaluated how confident she feels about her body and she went from what she thought was about a level two on a confidence scale of zero to 10 when we started coaching in that she used to be very critical of her body, allowing how she felt about her looks to determine her day and would prevent her from going out if she thought that someone might not approve of her appearance, and now she'd rated at about a six or a seven. So that's a big change in just six months. She still has some negative body image thoughts, but those thoughts don't control her like they used to. They don't limit her from living her life. So that is also fantastic.

Speaker 1:

And then feeling confident in her life in general was her final goal, and when we started working together she said it was like a zero to a one out of 10. She was very aware that her low self-worth and self-esteem was limiting her in so many ways and was taking up way too much of her time she was trying to compensate for the shame that she felt about her body by making sure that her house was always perfectly clean, that when she attended a social function she brought amazing food that she prepared from scratch, always had her hair and makeup done, dressed perfectly, and she identified how much people pleasing and perfectionism she engaged in to try to make up for what she thought was a shortcoming about her body. She knew that she was doing those things to get the compliments and praise that would come along with it, so that she could validate her worth and feel a sense of approval. Now she does feel a lot more confident in her body, but when I asked about her life no-transcript, about the people pleasing and perfectionist to habits, she said I think it's about a five now. So she's made some significant gains in this area over the six months, but it's also still the area where she feels there's a lot of work left to do. Like she's right in the middle and not yet on the side of believing in her inherent worth and value and confident in her enoughness that she doesn't have to earn love and respect, which I just wanna say is so common at the stage of coaching. Like she's healed. Her relationship with food 100% Movement is also improving too, although that was more of a side goal.

Speaker 1:

Body image greatly improved and now she's realizing that it's not actually about her body at all. It's about how she views herself and how she's been socialized to think about her value as a woman and to look externally to validate her worth, and that's a place that all of my clients get to. It's never really about your body, which is why changing your body doesn't work and why just focusing on body image is only a partial solution. It's really about your relationship with yourself and what you believe about your own value and worthiness as a human, which is exactly what this whole series has been about. So all that to say, that's the area where this particular person wanted to continue to work, so I said okay, then what's the next best step for you? How do you wanna proceed? What do you think that you need in order to check that goal off your list? And, as I said, her six month coaching term was coming to an end, but my clients always have the option of renewing. Before I take on anyone new, they have the first right to renew. But in making that decision about whether to keep going with coaching.

Speaker 1:

There was a lot of struggle that came up. She started to get really confused and overwhelmed. She was saying things like I don't know if I have time. I don't know if I should continue to spend that much money on myself. Also, there were things coming up like I should be able to do this on my own After coaching for six months. I should know how to do this by now. Things like it's really hard for me to prioritize myself. If I do this work, it's gonna take time and energy away from my family and my work, so balls are gonna get dropped and it's really hard for me to let stuff go because you know how I have this tendency that I have to do everything perfectly. In other words, she was trying to make this decision from her current self, who still worries about what other people think and that still feels insecure and feels like she has to impress everybody, and feels like that she has to do everything perfectly and also believes that everybody else's needs come before her own. It's the same version of herself that kept dieting for years because she didn't believe that she was worthy of showing up in the world confidently in the body that she had.

Speaker 1:

So I took her through the process in our coaching session of how to make a quality decision, and I'm gonna take you through that process today too, so that you have the tools to make decisions that you're proud of, so that when you say no to something, you say no because you know it's not what you need and it's not aligned with your goals, not because you don't think you deserve it. And when you say yes, you say yes wholeheartedly because it's what you truly want, not because you feel pressure or you've been coerced or because you're desperate that it'll be the thing that will fix you. Making a quality decision is a skill. It's a skill that you can develop and it's the skill that I'm going to teach you how to develop today. But one thing I want to say right off the hop is, whether you know it or not, you are already making decisions every day, even if you're not making decisions.

Speaker 1:

Not making decisions is actually making the decision to not do anything, to stay stuck, to stay in confusion, to stay overwhelmed and to keep feeling the way that you're feeling, to keep letting life run you and deciding not to do anything about it. And I don't say that to be harsh because, trust me, I have been that person for the majority of my life. I used to defer decisions on just about everything for as long as I could remember Like. Friends would ask me what I want to do this weekend and I'd say I don't care. Whatever you want to do, or what do you like for dinner, kim? Ah, doesn't matter. Whatever you want, what paint color do you want to put on the walls? Oh, I don't know, you decide.

Speaker 1:

I'm bad at this. Even if I knew what I wanted, I would usually not voice my opinion, and what people might have described as me just being an easygoing person was really just me being scared to rock the boat. I didn't want people to be mad at me if they disagreed with my decisions. Now I know that that's just all part of our conditioning as women, right? We are taught to play it safe, to play small, not be too loud, not be too outspoken, and we've just talked about this on last week's episode, in fact. So we end up censoring ourselves and deferring decisions to other people because it feels safer.

Speaker 1:

So I don't judge myself for having been this way, and nor should you, because our brains are hardwired to keep us safe, and safe equals familiar, even if familiar really isn't working for us. Our brains work very hard to keep us from changing by creating resistance. So if you've been thinking for decades, like most of us have I don't like my body, my body is wrong, I need to change my body. And now, all of a sudden, you want to get to a place where you feel comfortable in your body and you're trying to make decisions to support that future reality that feels really uncertain to your brain and your brain doesn't know what to do with that, so it creates all kinds of self-doubt about your decisions. To try to keep you right where you are Becoming, this version of yourself that feels differently about your body and feels differently in life in general will require you to reign in your brain and manage those thoughts and redirect your thinking to stay focused on what it is that you want and the possibility that awaits you, and you need to create safety along the way by being super kind and compassionate with yourself, having your own back, as I like to say, which will be a big part of this conversation today. So all of that to say there's no judgment.

Speaker 1:

If you've gotten into a habit of not making decisions, it's not your fault. However, when you know better, you do better, and if you're watching a different result in your life, if you're watching to feel differently and behave differently and have a different reality than you currently have, you can't keep deciding to not decide. You can't keep differing decisions. You can't keep thinking that something external is miraculously going to change and you're going to feel differently. You've got to take ownership of the reality that you want to have and accept that it's up to you to create it and that it's up to you to think differently, and it's up to you to make the decisions that are required to move you in the direction you want to go.

Speaker 1:

It's the process and it's the skill, and it's going to require you to have a different kind of relationship with decision making, because the other part of our conditioning is that it is so normal to be hard on ourselves about the decisions we make, especially if our decisions turn out to be the wrong ones. We beat ourselves up, speak harshly to ourselves, we let what ifs and regret take over and we allow making a wrong decision to mean something about us, like we're dumb or a failure or a sucker, not committed enough, not smart enough, whatever. So when we have a pattern of treating ourselves this way. It's no wonder we struggle with making decisions. It makes sense that you'd flip flop or feel like no decision is the right one, why you'd question and doubt yourself and second guess and backtrack Like how many times in life have you found yourself choosing option A over option B? But then you come up against some struggle or somebody questions you so you go oh gosh, well, maybe I should have chose B. I'm going to go back and try B now, and then B doesn't work either. So then you go back to the drawing board and you either figure out option C or you try A again, or you just give up altogether. You see what I mean.

Speaker 1:

The reason we do this is because we're so hard on ourselves. It's kind of along the same lines as feeling unmotivated to exercise. When all you've done is used to dispunishment. No wonder you're not excited to move. No one wants to do something. That feels like torture. So when we beat ourselves up for making mistakes or making a wrong decision, of course it's going to feel hard to make a quality one. You don't trust yourself. So we need to develop the habit of self-compassion and being kind to ourselves even if we get it wrong, and that's what I mean by having our back.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so let's break this process of making a quality decision down into three simple steps, and we'll use the example of investing in a coaching program as the thing we're trying to make a decision about. Relating back to my client's decision about carrying on with coaching and maybe you're in that place yourself, about knowing that you want to change your relationship with your body, your relationship with food and movement, but you're not sure how to do it yourself, so you're considering getting support. How do I make a quality decision about whether to pursue coaching or join a program or take that next step towards this goal? Well, the first step in making a quality decision is to think like the future version of yourself. You want to make this decision as if you already were this version of yourself, who has achieved the thing that you've set out to do, and that's really, really important, because otherwise you're going to make your decision that's rooted in fear, out of habit.

Speaker 1:

You cannot become the person you want to be by thinking like the current version or past version of yourself, who doubts yourself and worries about everybody else's opinion and whose brain, very naturally, just wants to stay exactly where it is, wants to stay in what it knows and what's familiar. So it's very important that you start to think like the version of yourself that you want to become in order to make a decision to become a person who's confident about their body, who feels comfortable in their body, who trusts themselves around food, who likes and looks forward to moving your body, and then who has all of the freedoms that that makes available in your life. You have to think like a person who already has that. You've got to ask this future version of yourself to help you make this decision, and this is where you can pull out your journal and get really clear. First, on who it is that you want to become. Lay out the goal that it is you want to achieve. How do you want to feel? What do you want to do? What do you want to have? What do you envision your life looking like in six months to a year? Lay that all out so that you're really clear on where it is you want to go. Who is this version of you? How is her life different? How does she think? How does she feel? And then, when she have all that, ask yourself this question how would this future version of me, who already feels comfortable in her body, who eats well, who enjoys and looks forward to movement, who knows that I'm valuable and worthy of having what it is that I desire and who's confident in her decisions. How would she advise me in this situation? Or another way to come at this is what would a person who already has the life that I desire decide to do?

Speaker 1:

And then your step two is to get really practical and make a list of pros and cons. So take your page and make a chart at the top of it where you're going to put option A in one column and option B in the other. And let's say, option A is to invest in coaching, option B is to do it myself. And then you're going to list out in each column all of the reasons why you might choose either option why might I invest in coaching and why might I want to do this myself and just download everything that comes into your brain on either side. Don't filter it at all at this point, whether it's quality or not quality. Just list out everything that's in support of either decision.

Speaker 1:

Money and time doubts often come up here. Like I can't afford it. I can't spend that much on myself. I don't have the time or I don't deserve to take that time for myself. If that's in your brain, put it down on your list. Put it all down without filtering, and then notice the themes that you're writing down in each column and then think about which list do you like better, which list is more in support of who you want to become?

Speaker 1:

And notice on either side of your list where you might have written down words like I should, I have to, I can't, I need or I must. These words are clues that you're operating from your current or your past self who doesn't believe in you and thinks that you need to be different than who you are today, or does not believe that you're worthy of having what it is that you desire. These are all fear-based words. Should need to have to, can't must. They come from your not good enough voice, that part of your brain that wants to keep you where you are, and when you make decisions from that place, that's when you regret them, that's when you feel bad about your choice because they're not supportive or in alignment with who you want to become. A good example of this is the goal of losing weight, the decision to maybe go on a diet or start a hardcore exercise program because, like I, have to lose weight in order to feel good about my body, or I need to lose weight to look good for this upcoming wedding, I should look different than how I look right now. So you make the decision to start a program and then you feel like crap all the way along. You hate your life and you regret the choice, and you don't end up actually liking how you feel if you get to where you want to go. So notice those words, if they're on your list, and then notice the things on your list that you feel really excited about and inspired by and fill you with hope for a possibility that aligns with this future that you're trying to create. Notice how those words feel in your body when you read them and then decide, decide to move forward towards the future that you desire and have your back by making it safe Every step of the way.

Speaker 1:

So that is step three. Step three is to commit to supporting yourself in your decision, knowing that other people might disagree with your decision, resistance might come up, challenges might present themselves, and that's all part of it. It doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong. Making a decision to become a different version of yourself is going to require you stepping out of your comfort zone. So, of course, things are gonna happen that were unexpected, that are new, that are unfamiliar, and you can commit to be there for yourself with kindness, compassion and grace all the way along. Having your own back means staying committed to the decision and being your own best friend through the process, holding space for yourself as you navigate this unfamiliar reality and always meeting yourself with love and compassion every step of the way, just as you would for a friend who's going through something. You would listen to them as they share their challenges. You'd hold space for them to share what they're going through. You would encourage them. You'd tell them that they're doing great. I know you can do this. It's gonna be so worth it. Just stay the course. You are doing awesome. That's what I mean by having your own back.

Speaker 1:

So let's recap the steps for making a quality decision. Step one is to make it from your future version of yourself, deciding as if you are already that person. And then step two is to list out all the reasons why you might choose option A or option B and then pick the choice that you love for all the reasons that feel exciting and inspiring. And then step three is to have your back through every step of the process. And then a little bonus thing that you can do to get more comfortable making quality decisions is to practice making small decisions right away In examples like I shared at the beginning, like deciding what restaurant to go to, what to make for dinner, what to do on the weekend, what shirt to wear. Practice making confident decisions and having your back through them. So let's say you're going out for dinner with a friend and you really do have a preference about where to go. Voice that and then be willing to have her voice, a different opinion, and have your back as you navigate the conversation and make a decision. Making small quality decisions every day provides evidence for your brain that you can do this and helps build your sense of confidence and safety that you can make bigger quality decisions and trust that you'll do a good job of it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so I hope that you found that tool helpful. I'd love to hear how you used it in your life, so feel free to get in touch by email or direct message on social media and share with me how it worked for you and if you're needing help making a quality decision about your next best step with your relationship with your body, then please book a free call with me and we'll work through the process together. That's exactly what I do on my consultation calls. There's no pressure or coercion. I don't try to convince you to buy coaching. I ask you questions to help you figure out your next best move and I trust you to make the decision that is best for yourself. So if you're in that place and you need a little bit of support, then book a call by clicking the link in the show notes. I'll look forward to meeting you and I will see all of you back on the next episode.

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Kim Hagle

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