The Power in Motion Podcast

122 - Managing Emotions without Food and Body Acceptance: Al’s Story

• Kim Hagle • Episode 122

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In this episode, our guest Al, a woman I’ve had the pleasure of coaching 1:1 for the past 6 months, shares her personal journey of overcoming lifelong yo-yo dieting using exercise as punishment.

Growing up in a household where dieting was normalized, Al details how she grew up believing that she could not trust herself to make good choices about food and movement, causing her to look for external validation by using tracking apps  but never feeling like she was getting it “right”.  

After seeking one-on-one coaching, her perspective on food, body image, and self-worth shifted dramatically, as she built up trust in her ability to care for herself. 

Throughout the conversation, Al recounts specific moments of learning to navigate emotions without turning to food, developing healthier habits, and ultimately finding freedom from tracking food and movement. 

Notably, she discusses how these personal changes have also positively influenced her parenting, enabling her to pass down healthier emotional and eating practices to her children. 

Our conversation delves into the challenges and breakthroughs Al experienced, illustrating the profound impact of emotional work and body acceptance on her life and the lives of those around her.

About Our Guest

Al is a working mother  of three from Missouri who recently completed 6 months of 1:1 body acceptance coaching with Kim.

About the Host

Kim Hagle (she/her)  is a Body Image Coach, Certified Personal Trainer, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, and founder of Radiant Vitality Wellness. 

Through mindset and movement coaching she helps women develop a kinder relationship with their body so they can consistently fuel and move it in a way that supports their health without restricting food, doing tortuous exercise or constantly worrying about the number on the scale

New Here? Join our exclusive email community: Embrace Your Radiance is our weekly email series that helps women overcome feeling limited by their body. Each week you'll receive exclusive coaching tips to help you feel healthy, happy and confident no matter what the scale says. As a subscriber, you'll be notified when new podcast episodes drop and will also be the first to hear about all of my free and paid offers. Emails come out every Sunday at 7 pm.  

Want to feel good in your body without focusing on weight?  Register for our FREE mini course. Learn simple, sustainable habits and mindset shifts so you can feel healthy, energetic and confident without rules, deprivation or willpower

Ready to take the next step?  Book a free consultation call to discuss how coaching can help you reach your goals.

Let’s stay in touch! Kim is on Instagram and Facebook @radiantvitalitywellness.  

Disclaimer.  The information contained in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice.  Always consult a health care professional about your unique needs.

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Welcome back to the Power in Motion podcast, the show for women who want to feel great in and about their body, regardless of size, so they can live their fullest life. I'm your host, Kim Hagel, certified body image coach, size inclusive personal trainer, and non diet nutritionist on a mission to help women just like you develop a kinder relationship with your body we have a very special episode today. I am so fortunate to be joined by Al, Alexandra, who is a client that I've had the pleasure of coaching one on one for the past six months, and she is here to share her story, her personal journey of being a Overcoming a life of yo yo dieting and using exercise as punishment and just hating on her body and how she's come to reach a place where she feels great about who she is. She eats in a way that honors her health and makes her feel really great in her body. and moves her body consistently in a way that she enjoys and that helps her achieve all of her fitness goals. So Without giving too much away about the interview, Al contacted me six months ago, after she had heard a story from another client of mine here on the podcast. And in hearing that story, she identified with the woman that was speaking, felt that they had a lot in common, Al had already done some work on trying to improve her relationship with food. She had read the Intuitive Eating book and had even taken some self directed courses, but felt like she just wasn't there. She just wasn't getting where she thought she should be. She felt like she was still out of control with food. She was eating emotionally. She didn't feel good about the body that she was living in. And her default had always been tracking food and exercise. When she felt out of control, when she felt like things weren't working well for her, The default was to install the tracking app and, and tightly manage everything that was going into her body and the calories that she was expending on exercise. And she had started that habit again and simply felt that, even though she was doing everything that they say you're supposed to do. She was doing it all right, according to, the so called experts out there. She wasn't feeling better. She wasn't feeling good in her body or about her body. She knew that something was missing. And took the leap of investing in one on one coaching. This is something she had never done before. And like all of the women that I've ever worked with, very much hesitated to invest the money in herself. Because we are socialized as women to put everybody else's needs before our own. And as a mom and a wife, Elle struggled to put herself at the top of the priority list, but this was something she really, really wanted to fix in her life. It had been decades, you know, like all of us, decades of fighting against our body and not feeling the way she wanted to feel. And she has daughters and she didn't want to continue to perpetuate this kind of relationship with food, movement, and body to the next generation. So she took the leap of booking the free consultation that I offer. We had a great chat and as she'll share in the interview, she realized in that conversation that it wasn't her fault. Though she was doing everything right, it was not her fault that she was having the results that she's having, that there was other things going on. And we identified what she needed to actually work on in coaching to get the results that she wanted. And I'm telling you, this woman did the work. She showed up every week willing and eager to dig in, let me ask her tough questions, and really take an honest look at herself. And as such, she got some incredible results. She's now in a place where she feels safe. Confident, confident in her body, confident in her appearance, she's making decisions that she never would have thought she'd make in the past. And she trusts herself around food and trust that the way she's moving her body is enough and it's right for her. And she talks about the freedom that that has opened up in her life to do the things that really matter to her. So it's, it's a great conversation. I know you're going to love hearing Elle's story. And if you're finding yourself in a place like Al, feeling in a similar way, please reach out and book a consultation. It costs nothing. We can have a 30 minute conversation, talk about what's going on with you, and see if we can get to the root of the problem. And at the very least, at the end of the consultation, you'll know what direction you need to head in next. Whether or not that's with a coaching package, You'll leave that consultation with so much clarity. So please don't hesitate to reach out. I am here for you and I'm happy to chat with you. All right, let's jump into the interview before I give it all away in the preamble.

Kim:

Hey Al, welcome to the podcast. It is such a joy to have you here today. How are you?

Al:

I'm doing well. Thanks for having me.

Kim:

Oh, I am thrilled to have you. I'm so glad that you were willing to come on and share your experience. So why don't you start us off by just telling us a little bit about who you are?

Al:

So I am a 39-year-old woman that grew up in a household that. My mom had really good intentions, but that led to me dieting at a very young age and in high school. And, um, you know, I've kind of done the yo yo diet throughout my whole life until I found intuitive eating and, and your podcast really, um, that kind of led me down this other path of a different way of living. So yeah, I've, I've changed a lot over the last year, probably year and a half. Um, when I started reading and doing my own kind of investigating as to how to live without dieting.

Kim:

Mm hmm. Mm hmm. And what were you able to work through on your own? And then what were you still struggling with when you reached out to me?

Al:

So I had the basis of intuitive eating and what that meant. Like I, I dove into getting rid of tracking my food. Um, I was still tracking movement because I thought I had to, it had to look a certain way for it to really count. So, um, when I found you and decided to do the consultation, um, I was still kind of struggling with. Like, how to feel like I was good just as I am without having something externally tell me that I was validated or good enough. So I was really struggling with like the emotional part of it all, um, instead of like the tactical part of it, I guess. Okay.

Kim:

Okay. And in what kinds of ways were you trying to measure your goodness externally? Like what kinds of things would you look to to validate yourself? Okay. Okay.

Al:

I would look at my Fitbit. I'm a big, like, I love Fitbits, but it was always like, if I had enough steps, if I got enough sleep, if my heart rate was low enough, if my resting heart rate was low enough, like whether that meant I was doing something right or wrong.

Kim:

Um,

Al:

and then also tracking food, you know, like whether you were eating, you know, the right amount, not too much, not too little, just the right amount, um, and then also tracking the same thing, um, through like my fitness pal, um, you know, just exercise. Like, did I do it long enough? Did I do it hard enough was, and then I go back to the Fitbit. Was my heart rate elevated enough while doing said exercise? Um, so I used all of those kinds of tools externally to track. And tell me whether I was, I was doing it right.

Kim:

Okay. And, but it never felt like you were doing it right, even though you were tracking everything? Like, where was, where was it falling apart for you?

Al:

It was falling apart because I was going through some like physical discomforts and I was doing all of the quote, right things, but yet I still wasn't feeling my best. I was still having some of those physical issues, whether it was pain or GI issues. Um, it just wasn't. It wasn't solving the problems that I was looking for tracking to solve. Right. So, it just fell short.

Kim:

Yeah. Yeah. So, despite your best intentions and doing everything that they say you're supposed to do, you still weren't feeling like you thought you should feel when you were doing everything right.

Al:

Exactly.

Kim:

Yeah. Now, had you ever worked with a life coach before or what made you decide that you should hire a coach to help you with this?

Al:

I had done a couple of paid like intuitive eating courses through a couple other individuals prior to um, that kind of gave me a little bit of a flavor for what it would be like to work one on one with someone, but I never jumped right in. I was, it was more like individual work, um, that I could do on my own, but rely on that person, tap that person's shoulder if I needed a little bit of direction. Um, But it was, I was actually listening to one of your podcasts and, um, it was somebody else's story. And at the end you had said, you know, well, just, you know, reach out to me, you know, the consultation's free. And I'm like, you know, maybe I should like, maybe I should work one on one with someone. Like if I'm getting benefit from these self directed courses and it's working, but I still can't quite get to the point where I feel free to really just live my life without tracking and everything else. I'm like, maybe that's what, what's missing. Maybe I just need to work with someone one on one and that kind of, you know, it just, the epiphany hit at the same time I was listening to your podcast. I'm like, you know, we're going to do this. Let's try it out.

Kim:

Well, I'm so glad you reached out and that we got the opportunity to work together. I mean, I've loved supporting you one on one. What would you say has been the benefits of having a one on one coach?

Al:

I think the biggest benefit that I. Didn't see coming, especially was being able to tap in and like identify my own emotions. Um, you know, I went into it thinking, Oh gosh, you know, like I'm going to get some help to figure out like how to intuitively eat so that I can really like eat in a way that my body's just going to say, I'm going to lose the weight. So I like went in with this kind of mask on in a way, like thinking that it was going to help me in a different way. But I think. When we got into the work and started doing it, the biggest benefit has really been like tapping into my emotions, feeling my body, grounding myself to know what I'm feeling when I get the sensation to want to go to food or want to get angry and yell at like my children, like if I'm in a stressful, high stress situation, you know? So I think that's probably one of the biggest benefits that I've found is. Feeling my own feelings and then also having my own back, um, learning that I have to have my own back and I can have my own back, no matter what the situation is, is huge. Um, it opens up the possibilities to do so many things that I never thought I could do because I was holding myself back because I didn't think that. I could do it or that if I failed in whatever way that might look like, um, that I wouldn't be able to pick myself back up and continue moving on. So I think those are probably the biggest, the biggest things for me.

Kim:

So I want to talk about both of these things in a little more detail if that's okay. I remember one example that you brought to coaching the one day where your kids were acting up in the car. There was a lot, there was a lot going on. So Al's a mom of three young kids, they're all 10 and under, right?

Al:

Yep.

Kim:

Yep.

Al:

They are.

Kim:

And they were having a moment in the car. Do you want to, do you want to tell us about this story and how you previously would have handled it, but how you were able to handle it as a result of the work you've done?

Al:

Sure. So my kids, so my youngest is three and a half, almost three and a half. My oldest is 10. Um, And the one in the middle is eight. And she, so the older two kids were just, they just were bickering. They were bickering at each other. I have no idea what for, but they were just bickering and getting loud. And then all of a sudden my three year old's like, mom, I have to puke. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, like she's going to puke everywhere. When so like previously, like. In that moment, I would have like either started yelling at the big kids to stop arguing, get the bucket for the baby, pull over, like made a big old scene, like regardless of where I was, I just, it would have been a big scene. But instead I was like, okay, I felt a bubbling up, the anxiety building up in me and I just kind of grounded myself real quickly, um, you know, from the techniques that you taught me. And I'm like, okay, Josiah, my oldest kid, I'm like, get Molly the bucket handed to her. And if she pukes, she pukes, clean it up. Like the worst that's going to happen is she's going to be physically uncomfortable for the next 10 minutes until we get home, I'll clean it up and it'll be fine. And then I told my daughter, Hey, stop bickering. Like just woe it down. Like let's just calm our nerves down a little bit. And then everything worked out like. no yelling was there and nobody freaked out.

Kim:

Yeah. No yelling. The puking never happened. But you were able to stay calm and have your back if it did. Yep. Right. Knowing that you can clean it up and then you got home. And you got the kids settled, and I remember you saying, like, in the past, after a thing like that, I would have totally gone to the cupboard and ate something.

Al:

Yes.

Kim:

Yeah. This time, what happened?

Al:

I just went and got a cup of tea. Tea? I just went and made myself, like, the kids dispersed and went about their merry ways, and I just got a cup of tea, and I sat on the front porch, and I was like, wow, I actually did that. Like, I didn't flip out on anybody. Including myself, like, I didn't judge myself for how I was handling anything or not handling anything. I just let it be, and, and we moved on. Yeah,

Kim:

and not only did you let it be and handle it with more grace and compassion, you actually took time when you got home to make yourself a cup of tea and, like, calm yourself down, really, and tend to your nervous system. Right? So we completed that whole stress cycle and it, yeah, like it was a, it was a big win. I remember that one. It always stood out for me as like, you know, might seem like a little thing, but these are the little things that add up to big things over the course of the time, right?

Al:

Absolutely. Because there were so many Different levels of like touching in with myself that allowed me to just be good for myself, but also good for my kids. Like I'm changing the way that I'm being like a good example for them and how teaching them how they're able to get in touch with their emotions as well and not freak out about, about things that don't need freaked out. I mean, there are some things that yes, go ahead, freak out. You can do that, but you also have your own back then. Like, It all works out. It's okay. And I'm teaching my kids that, which I never would have been able to do without your help.

Kim:

Well, that's so great. And I mean, yeah, there are times when we freak out, right? Like being able to regulate your nervous system and calm yourself down in a stressful situation prevents a lot of freak outs. But then there's times when we do, right? But having your own back also means, like, forgiving yourself when that happens, like making amends, doing what you need to do to rectify the situation, and not going into a shame spiral and beating up on yourself because you did something wrong.

Al:

Yep, exactly.

Kim:

Okay, so I know you said just a few minutes back that you were thinking, when we first started doing the work, that maybe if you got to the root of some of these issues and some of these struggles, that you would finally lose the weight. What does that look like now? How have your thoughts changed and what beliefs have you started to become aware of that are different now than when you started?

Al:

So I think the, for me, it's, it's, It's accepting myself exactly as I am today. Like the world might be difficult to live in a bigger body. And that's just the facts. Like I can't change the size of an airplane seat or the restaurant booth size. Like it just is what it is. Um, but accepting that I'm worthy of respect and kindness and, and all of the things that are positive. Um, is really kind of where I put my focus. Now I don't put my worth on my size. Like I'm a human, I, I have value just because I'm, I'm here. Like, I don't have to earn that by, by doing anything or being in a smaller body, like I just, I am who I am and, and I'm accepting that and being able to move forward and just live life and, and my larger body and being okay with it is like. It's just what I'm doing now. And it's even like coming through in my personality of the clothes that I'm buying, you know, I used to just wear dark and drab colors. Well, now I'm buying, you know, cheetah print swimsuits, you know, like it's just, I'm I've accepted that I'm, I'm worthy as I am. Regardless of my size and that sometimes it creeps up like, Oh gosh, I wish I was smaller, but then I just remind myself, like, it's okay to have compassion because the world is not built for larger body people. It's okay. I can have compassion for that. And then I can continue to move on and be a part of my kid's life and, and be a good friend and sister and wife that has nothing to do with my size. So I just, it's kind of like a non issue now. I just. move through life without thinking about it.

Kim:

Right. And I love how you brought up that sometimes it still does come into your mind that, yeah, it would be nice if I were smaller. Yep. But that thought doesn't hold you back. It doesn't cause you to limit your life. It doesn't cause you to want to start another diet or start tracking your food or exercising in a punitive way or like preventing you from going to the beach or like, you know, you're, you listed quite a number of. Um, examples of how you're just living your life now the way that you want to in the body that you have.

Al:

Yep.

Kim:

And though you might have the odd thought about you wish your body was different, you're not gonna let that stop you from living your life.

Al:

Right. And it, it helps me build my relationships with other people as well. Like, like we went to an amusement park and yet I might not fit in some of the, the rides, but my sister does. So that's a great moment for my sister and one of my children to have a bonding moment for themselves. And I'm still there participating, but they just get to ride the ride together. So it's helping me like reach out and think of. My life in a little different manner as to how I can connect deeper with other people and they can connect with my kids too. So that helps as well. Like having a support system has helped me through it as well.

Kim:

Yeah. And having the ability to, to. Think and reframe your thoughts rather, right? Instead of like being at the amusement park and not being able to go on a certain ride and making that all your fault and blaming yourself and dwelling on the problem that your body is, you can just go, huh, okay, well, my sister can go on with this child and then everything's fine. And then didn't you say in one of our sessions that you actually don't even like rides? Yeah.

Al:

Yeah. I hate them. Right?

Kim:

But when you're focused on your body, it's like you, you get into all this regret and shame and whatever. I mean, well, you like, you don't even want to do it.

Al:

Right. Exactly. Exactly.

Kim:

It's so funny. Like and funny, not in a ha ha way, but just the way that our brain plays tricks on us

Al:

yeah. Yeah. It has nothing to do with it. That really does. I mean, it's just, it's, it's our culture. It's society that's had us go down this rabbit hole of it's, it's all your fault and it's your body's fault. And yeah, there's so many other options available after doing work with you that are teed up to my brain as to how to live life still in a larger body, but Not have it be about my body. Like there there's so many different offerings now that come up for situations that I just never would have thought of before, because I was always so down on myself about, oh, it's just gotta be your size.

Kim:

Can you think of any examples of that? Like things that you have done in the last little while that you wouldn't have done six months ago?

Al:

Let's see. Well, I mean, one of the things was, um, you know, going swimsuit shopping for a trip that I took last minute, like even just going on a last minute trip, I mean, my family had called me on a Monday and they're like, Hey, you want to go on a trip Thursday with all three kids by yourself without your I was like, Oh gosh. Like. I can't, I can't do that. I like, there's no way I can manage that. And it's like, well, no, you can, because you can regulate your feelings and you know how to handle things. And if not, you know how to ask for help now, like, because I've got my own back. And for me, that's what that means is asking for help. So I was able to go on a trip, buy a swimsuit. That's loud in color. Um, from what I've ever done before to wear on said trip. Like it was, it was like full circle, like all within a few days. And I didn't freak out. Like, normally I'm a big planner and I have to write everything down and know exactly what to expect. And I would always have to look at menus of restaurants before we go, because, you know, you have to know what to expect from a food perspective. And it's like, I didn't do any of that. I just went on the trip and my kids had a blast and I had a blast. And it was, it was just so easy because I just. I don't have all of that other, all that other gunk going around in my brain.

Kim:

Yeah. Yeah. Where the previous, it sounds like a previous version of you would have done all that planning and all of that figuring out to hopefully prevent any, anything from going wrong, right? Try and control the situation and make sure you can manage it because if something were to go wrong, the belief was, I won't be able to handle it.

Al:

Exactly.

Kim:

You've grown so much in your capacity to believe in yourself, to handle what comes your way. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Al:

Right? Yeah. Exactly.

Kim:

So awesome. So

Al:

yeah.

Kim:

Okay. So let's talk specifically about your relationship with food movement and your body. We've been talking about some of the other ways that doing this work has like made your life different, but what's shifted specifically with food movement and body?

Al:

So from a food perspective, I'm still working on it, but I'm, what I focus on from a food perspective for me is. What foods make me feel good in my body and not just foods that I can have because I have no, no limitations where, you know, like when the pendulum swang the other way from starting intuitive eating, um, you know, I was still very far at the other end where it was like, well, just because there's no, there's no limit. Now I'm going to eat anything and everything. And I wasn't feeling great. You know, I just, it didn't make me feel good. It made me feel just as bad as when I was counting

Kim:

all of my

Al:

food. So it's now it's more. Leveling out where it's like, okay, I'm going to fuel my body for what makes me feel good. So, you know, if X food makes me feel bad or makes my feet hurt, I'm not going to eat it anymore. I'm going to, I'm going to choose to eat something else. That's going to make me feel better. So that's been the biggest shift since working with you as to like having it be a way that I just feel better in my body. Um, and still don't have any restrictions. Like I can still eat, you know, whatever I want, even if it does make my body not feel the best, but that's my choice and I get to do it if, if I want to, you know, um, and then movement, I think for movement, it's really been like when I know when we first started working together, I was like, Oh my gosh, it can't be consistent. Like I get on and then I get off. And then we kind of looked at that a little bit deeper and it's like, Well, I am consistent due to my cycle because I'm, I'm still have my cycle and I'm, um, in a place of life where it just so happens that one week a month, I just don't have the energy to, to exercise. And I, and I was putting so much of an emphasis on what I wasn't doing versus what I was doing that now that shift is like, okay, well I am consistent and I'm going to give my body what it needs. And when it tells me it needs rest, it's going to get rest. So. My movement is still consistent and it's, it's pleasurable movement. It's not, um, you know, like the high intensity stuff that I thought I had to do because it burns the most calories.

Kim:

You know, I,

Al:

I go, I, I walk and I pick my daughter up. So I have two daughters. Um, one's in a daycare just down the road, which is probably a mile or so down the road. Um, but I'll, I'll grab my daughter, my older daughter, and we'll get the stroller and we'll go pick her up. The youngest one up and we'll just walk, we'll, we'll have a special time, just the two of us to talk, but I'm still getting my movement in because that's what's enjoyable for me. It's not, I'm not tracking like how many calories I'm burning. I'm just doing stuff that makes my body feel good for where I'm at right now and, and I'm okay with that. So it's a lot more even keeled from an eating and movement perspective where I'm not like. really far to one way or the other. It's just, it's just very even. And I don't think about it often. Like,

Kim:

it just kind of fits in your life. I think we've

Al:

today, like, I really have to get excited for it. And it's like, I don't have to get excited to do exercise. It's just gotta be. Something that I do for me. Yeah.

Kim:

Yeah. And I think that's a common misconception, right? Especially with the joyful movement term that gets thrown around is that when we stop exercising in a punitive way that all of a sudden it has to be joyful all the time and it should always feel so good. And yes, it certainly can be. And no, we shouldn't do something that we hate and is punitive. It doesn't have to be joyful all the time, right? It's not. Right. We don't think that brushing our teeth has to be joyful every time that we do it. We don't think that every time we sit down to eat, it has to be this magical sensual experience. It's just something you do to take care of your body.

Al:

Yeah,

Kim:

exactly. Be that simple. Going back to what you said about the consistency, right? I just wanted to kind of highlight this for anybody who might be listening, because I remember you in a coaching session saying, you know, I'm consistent for like three, three weeks in a row. And then the fourth week, I just kind of Don't do anything like I can't get motivated. I can't get going. And then we we kind of saw a pattern of this, you know, and it was lasting for several months. And I'm like, one, you are consistent, because I see several months of working out here. But the second question is, like, does this have anything to do with my cycle? Right. And women, that's not something we're often taught to pay attention to, but very much does affect our energy and the motivation that we have. And, you know, what is wrong with tuning in and listening to what your body's telling you and taking rest? Like, absolutely nothing. Right. But fitness culture tells us like, you got to go hard all the time, like every single day of the year. Right. And that's That's what was preventing you from seeing that pattern for what it was and doing what you needed to do to care for yourself.

Al:

Exactly. Yeah. And it all still, like, in my, um, like my old brain is what I call it. It's like, it still counts. Like, Like, movement is movement, and rest is rest, and it's, it's still what your body needs, like, it all counts in its own way, and it's, it's very necessary, like you said.

Kim:

Yeah, when the objective switches from trying to shrink our body to caring for the body that you have, then both options become acceptable. Both count, right? Whether it's high intensity exercise, low intensity exercise, or resting. Any, any one of those are a good choice because it's just what you need in that moment. It's about caring for the body that you have.

Al:

Yeah, exactly. Awesome.

Kim:

Okay, were there any times along the way Where you doubted yourself, where you felt like, I don't know if this is working. And how did you get through that?

Al:

So there, there were two, there were two times that I remember, like, really doubting myself. And it, It was a time when like, I doubted myself so much that I'm like, okay, this just, this isn't working. Like I can't regulate my emotions. I'm just doomed to just be a quote overeater my entire life. So I need, I need to track my food because that's just what I need. Like, that's, that's what I'm destined to do for the rest of my life because I'm different. Um, just because I was having trouble like identifying emotions that I'd never identified before. So, It wasn't like, okay, I'm having an emotion. I know it's, um, dread and I've, I've experienced this before. So let's center ourselves. Like I had never identified what dread felt like in my body physically to know. So when I started having these really big emotions, I was like, we're just going to download the tracking app and we're going to start tracking our food because that's going to make me feel good because then at least I know I'm doing that right. Um, but I, I stopped, like, I, I didn't do that because. It was like, okay, we're going to trust the process. We're going to talk to Kim about it next week. We're just going to continue the process. I journal a lot. That's a part of my process that works well for me. So I journaled it down and it's like, I just detailed out as much as I could, what I was. Feeling in my physical body so that we could talk about it the next week. And it's like, okay, well, we identified what it was. It was a different emotion. So I thought it was just like, I was so broken. Like I, I, there was no way that I could, I could do it. Like, I could only do it for my, my most simple, you know, emotions, but not for all of my emotions. Um, so I remember that time, like really vividly that I was like, I'm just going to track the food, like, like it had anything to do with. With tracking either, like, well,

Kim:

but it's some, it's the tool that you knew, right? And even, even though it hadn't really been working, it felt like the only thing you could grab at when you're struggling with emotional eating, you're like, I can't seem to get control of my emotions. And I can't seem to stop emotional eating. So I'll track and maybe the gift, what I see when I track will, prevent me from having another episode. You know it wouldn't, right? But for anybody who's listening who might be, who might identify as an emotional eater, this is really, really important to tune into is the reason why so many of us eat when we're having emotions is because we don't know what they are and we don't know how to feel them and we don't feel safe feeling them. They're so uncomfortable in our body. They feel awful.

Al:

Yeah.

Kim:

The work that we do is teach you how to let those feelings exist. How to identify them and how to support yourself through them without food or mindfully using food because that is a tool you can grab, right? I never tell anyone you can't use food, but knowing that it's only one tool that's available to you out of many now.

Al:

Exactly. And it, and it always seems to happen at like the worst, the worst time, you know, like the example of with my kids, like all flipping out in the car. It's like, that was a new emotion for me and tapping into that and realizing what it was and, and not freaking out. It was like, okay, you know, and that it's funny because that happened. A few weeks after I had this whole like, Oh gosh, I'm just going to track and, you know, figuring out the new emotion. So it's like, you know, I proved to myself and I showed myself, I can do this. I can identify new emotions and I can give them their space that they need to just process in my body. Like I don't have to control it and it doesn't have to mean anything. It's just an emotion. Let it come, let it go.

Kim:

Right. It doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong. It's not going to hurt you. Like, we all are meant to feel every single one of the emotions that humans experience. They're all part of living life. Right? Yeah. And we don't have to be scared of them. We just have to know how to, how to deal with them. And yeah, that moment in the car, like that sounds like extreme overwhelm, right? And we get overwhelmed when we think we can't handle something. So that's a really good reason why someone would reach for food, right? But knowing that I can, I can sit with overwhelm and I can handle whatever comes my way. Like that's, that's what gets you through.

Al:

Yep. It does. Yeah.

Kim:

Did you say there was another time when you doubted yourself?

Al:

There was, and it was, um, it was still, I was always so focused on my food, um, which is, it makes sense why, but it was like, I thought that I, I was, I thought I was quote overeating. Um, but it was, it was at the beginning when I was just still, I was still holding onto a little bit of restriction, I guess. And it was my body's way of saying no, like we're, we're really okay. Like we can eat all of the foods. Um, but it was a good. It was like two weeks where I felt like I just kept eating and eating and eating and eating all of the things and it's like, this just isn't working because I was still so focused on the food. And then as we started doing more of the emotional work, um, and identifying that piece of it, it's like, That just slowly resolved itself. There wasn't like a big aha moment for that to be like, okay, it's, it's over. Like it just slowly trickled down and it's like slowly stepped itself down like stairs, um, to just kind of being even keeled now where it's like, I don't feel like I just am eating just all the time to be eating all the time.

Kim:

Right. Right. That's interesting. Do you think you were eating enough throughout the day, like at your main meals or, or like the, the constant nibbling, do you think it was that you were undernourished or was it emotional?

Al:

It was actually a combination of both. So I was like, I did, Certain diets previously that was all focused on like restrictive time eating. So I still was hanging on to, okay, you can only eat two times a day. And, and then I just wasn't eating enough. So I think that was part of it. And then the other part of it was identifying my. My boredom emotion. Like when I, my boredom and then also like avoidance

Kim:

when

Al:

I'm trying to avoid working or sweeping the floors, you know, like the stuff you just don't want to do. It's like, I could go have a couple of pieces of chocolate right now and it's okay.

Kim:

I think I'd rather do that too.

Al:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, exactly. So, and, and it's funny because like I see. Still looking at my life now, I still allow myself to do that. It's like, and, but I identify it. I'm like, okay, you're just avoiding mopping the floors. Okay. Have a couple of pieces of chocolate, then get your ass in gear and go mop the floors, like, let's go do it. And then, and it's fine. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. It just works.

Kim:

That's it, right? Like there, there are still moments where we can reach for food, and I do it too, especially in that situation where there's, I, I love that avoidance example. I do it exactly myself and yeah, if it helps increase your motivation, then whatever you do it, right? Yeah. But it's, it's less, it's, it's more mindful, I guess, is what I wanna say. Like, you know why you're doing it. You give yourself permission to do it and allow yourself to experience the pleasure that comes from it. Right? Without like, Oh my God, why are you doing that? You shouldn't be blah, blah, blah. Right? Just have it. Enjoy. And then go mop the freaking floors. Yep.

Al:

Exactly.

Kim:

Yeah.

Al:

Yeah. I love

Kim:

that. Such a good example. Okay. So what would you say if there's somebody listening who was considering getting coaching for themselves, but maybe they're not sure it would work for them or they're not sure about the investment. Like, what would you say to someone who's sitting on the fence?

Al:

I would say just do the consultation. Because the consultation helped me realize it's not, it wasn't me. Like I'm not the problem. Like there's a lot more to what's going on and what's what patriarchy and, and a lot of other things have taught us that are feeding how we feel. And sometimes you just need to hear it to know that. You're not the problem. So you don't, you don't need fixed. You just need a little bit of support to identify what's going on in your body. So that way you can get to the next level. Um, so, I mean, it was a big investment for me and I've never, I've never invested in myself because I always thought like, Oh, gosh, I can't spend that much money on myself. Like I should really give it to the kids. Like, you know, I should really buy them their next electronic device or my husband, you know, he's got hobbies. I should let him use that money. And it's like, no, I, I deserve to have. That investment for myself. And these are things and tools that you teach that I will have for the rest of my life and I will pass down to generations. Like it's not just helping me, it's helping others. So just do the consultation because I think it really is eye opening to all of the different layers that could be affecting how you're operating in the current state that then it's up to you, whether you want to dive into, okay, do I like living like this or do I want to. Operate from a different set of beliefs and then you'd go from there.

Kim:

Yeah. I love how you said that this investment is paying dividends into like the next generation can you kind of give some examples of how you see this paying off in the future?

Al:

So my daughter, my daughter's a lot like me, my middle daughter. Um, she's eight years old and she enjoys food, but like she eats sometimes when she doesn't need to be eating because she's bored. She doesn't want to do her chores. So for me, like I, the other day I was sitting there and we were just having a conversation and she went and she grabbed something to eat. Um, and I was like, yeah, I just let her eat. And I was like, Hey, you know, why don't we go do your tour? She's like, I just don't want you. I just want to eat this instead. And I'm like, baby, you can, you can not do what you don't want to do. You can not do your chores and not have to eat. Like you don't have to be doing something else just to say you're doing something else. If you are trying to avoid doing your chores, it's okay to just not do your chores right now. And she was like, really? It's like, yeah. She's like, oh, I mean, I wasn't even hungry, mom. I'm like, okay, stop eating what you're eating and just sit here with me. Let's have a conversation. And that's what we did. We just sat there and we, we chilled for a while. And like an hour later she went and she did her chores. So it's like. It's teaching me how to teach her how she can sit with those emotions as well. And if she wants to avoid, okay, it's fine to do that, but you don't have to do it with food. Um, same thing with like her big emotions, like she had come home and she was being bullied at school, um, or tease, not necessarily bullied, but teased, and she just automatically went straight for the pantry. And I was like, And then, and I let her do what she's got to do, but I'm also showing her, there's other ways that you can handle these emotions. And it ended up, she was like, I just can't cry because if daddy sees me crying, then he's going to say that I'm, I'm, I'm just a baby and I'm like, okay, well, that's a really deep conversation. We need to have not only with your daddy, but also with you, like, baby, it's okay. Let's just cry. And then I got emotional. So I'm like, I'll cry with you. So we sat there and we cried because I felt bad. But then I also gave her some tools on how you can combat the negative, um, feedback you're getting from these other people, but that it's okay to just be sad. You don't have to, you don't have to make it mean anything. Like, you can just be sad and cry and it's okay.

Kim:

Yeah,

Al:

so like I'm passing that down to her and I've and I've done my son's not as high and low as she is. Um, but he's had moments to where it's like, okay, but this is just an emotion. Like, let's, let's figure out like what you're feeling right now. So he's been able to identify like other feelings within him. Besides just anger, you know, like everything just makes them angry. I'm like, well, there's something else going on. Let's figure out what it is. And again, I would have never been able to do that without you teaching me how to do it for myself.

Kim:

Yeah. It's so important. Like we have to do it for ourselves first, right? Like helping our kids with their eating or their body image or their emotional regulation, like in order to teach it to them, we have to be able to do it for ourself. Right. And. I mean, I get this question a lot. How do I help my kid with their body image? Well, you have to like work on your own first, right? Yeah. And yeah, like raising kids that are emotionally intelligent and like can handle their feelings effectively. Whew. That is like the number one life skill I think that we can impart on our children.

Al:

Yeah. Yeah. And my daughter, my son and my daughter, they were bickering at each other and my son said something that was not nice and he shouldn't have said to her. And she said, look, you don't talk to me that way. I don't deserve to be treated like that because I'm worthy just as I am. And I was like, look at you. And he came and he's like, mom, can you believe she said this to me? And I'm like. She is right. And you don't deserve to talk to her like that. So it did not work out in his favor, but she just like verbalized it and was like, you don't talk to me like that. I'm worthy. I'm like, Oh, good for you, sis. Like,

Kim:

yeah. Yeah. So instead of like going and crying in her room or eating her feelings or all the other things that she could have done, she used her voice and spoke up. Right. Like. Right. Right. That's powerful. That's amazing. Amazing. So tell me what's next for you now that you've done all this work and you're feeling so great in your body and about your body. What's on the agenda for Elle?

Al:

So I think I'm going to continue. I want to find a tribe. So you offer some tools for that, which I'm totally going to hit you up for. Um, uh, and I'm just going to continue to live unapologetically me, like I'm going to continue to do the work on myself because I deserve it and I'm worth it. And I'm going to continue to build my relationships with people because that's what I feel is important and just build a legacy for myself. Like something that we kind of dove into recently was like, after you stopped thinking of all of these. Like, non issues like your food and your movement, like, your brain opens up to, to think of so much more and I'm thinking of what my legacy looks like for, for me and my family. So I want to start, like, digging deep into that and start doing some really cool things so that I can have a legacy to leave whenever it's my time.

Kim:

Yeah. Yeah. And I know, like, we've been talking about this for a little while and I know you don't have that all figured out yet. But, but I love that you're asking the question, right, because that was not something that your brain even had capacity to, to inquire about six months ago, because it was preoccupied with food and body, right? So

Al:

exactly

Kim:

what a gift to be able to, like, think about that, like, what, what is the mark I want to leave on this world? And then having, like being able to give yourself permission to go after that, like, you know, That's freedom. That's what it all comes down to.

Al:

100%. And it all started with just a free consultation call with you. See? That's why everybody should just do it. Because it just makes sense. It just does.

Kim:

It started there, and Every week you've shown up willing, right? Willing to be honest about what you're experiencing and let me ask you some difficult questions

Al:

and,

Kim:

and dig in, right? And look at the parts of you that maybe are a little hard to look at, but you know, you always did it with willingness and that's what got you to this place. So congratulations. And I'm so proud of all the work that you've done and I can't wait to see where you go next.

Al:

Yeah, me too. It'll be exciting. Whatever it is.

Kim:

I know it will. Is there anything else that's pressing on your heart you want to say before we wrap up today?

Al:

I don't think so. I think just really encouraging people to just do it for you. Like you're, you're worth it. You know, like you're worthy of everything that you want that you don't even know that you want. Like you just, just do the call. Yeah. So your possibilities can be endless.

Kim:

Mic drop. You know, I think we're taught as women that we should, we should put our needs last, like in so many different ways, right? Spend the money on the kids, like everything comes before mom, right? Like we don't even take the time to work on ourselves. Nevermind spend the money. Right. So. Yeah. Yeah. I love what you said there about like, put, put yourself on the list and do it for you because you're worthy.

Al:

Exactly.

Kim:

Oh, Al, I really, really appreciate you taking the time to come on the show and share your journey. And yeah, I'm so proud of all the great work that you've done. You are going to inspire so many people that are listening to this podcast. So thank you.

Al:

Awesome. Thank you again for having me.

Kim:

My pleasure.

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Kim Hagle

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